I decided to write an entry on writing. Then my editors got in my head, so I’m still working on it. I am writing about how the composition classroom helps me understand how to read my own and others’ work. It’s an easy thing to say when I am not thinking about my audience. Then I cited people, and I had to make sure two scholars talking about two different contexts of the writing process could connect. After that, I realized I had over a thousand words. I did not want a thousand words on my blog. so I cut it. Then I realized that what I cut, the stuff about working at a call center, is something I need to write anyway but not about my writing, not yet. Not here, least of all, because that’s hella interesting, regaining my voice while being underemployed because of the institutional homophobia I avoided by not insisting that faculty I work with write me reference letters.
Those are all points I will discuss. I had two out of three until I went back to my alma mater connections, until I developed enough publishing and service to get non-university references. Until I healed the wounds, some of them, that inform my research. So, all of this I will touch on in the course of this year. Not because I want to, nor because I do not understand why writing references for me was difficult. More so because of the ableism I am begrudgingly interested in addressing because if I don’t, I will stop. I will stop writing; I will stop being affective. So, I am welcoming the ableist trolls because of the other scholars that have written about facing them. I welcome the bridges that may slowly burn because I am resisting respectability politics.